Thursday, March 21, 2013

It's Time for Some Show and Tell

Remember when you were in elementary school, and your teacher had designated a special day of the week for show and tell? 

Come on now, if you're as old as me, it will be a stretch to go back that far (the cobwebs muddling up my brain are a bitch most days...) but seriously, it was one of the most exciting days to go to school.
(That and seeing the film cart roll into the class- yes, I'm old enough to remember actual films, not just VCRs. OOO and the funnest part was at the end when we'd all chant for the teacher to run the film backwards so we could see it on the screen, SO FUNNY!)

Boy that was a tangent. 

Back to my point: show and tell.

I brought in a dinosaur bone once. Or what I was wholeheartedly, unequivocally, unswervingly convinced was a dinosaur bone that we'd dug up in my backyard during the process of dad installing his massive sky scraper of a ham radio tower on the side of the house. (Yes, mom was THRILLED.)

I proudly passed it around the class, proclaiming it was a pterodactyl bone, only because that's really the only dinosaur name I could bring to my immediate small mind at the time. 
(Jurassic Park hadn't come out yet people.)

My cool teacher, Mrs. Daley, looked at the bone a bit skeptically, but ultimately let me take the credit for it, and smartly turned it into a lively classroom discussion over the many mysteries of the Mesozoic Era.

Today is show and tell here on my blog boys and girls.

I know I've posted some random pics of the copies of people doing stupid shit on their resumes before, but these past few weeks I've been so appalled at what has come in by the droves, I started snapping pics at my desk. I have still maintained the innocence of the asshats/douchecanoes/twatwaffles by blurring out their private info of course, cuz I'm cool like that.

Enjoy.


How many things are wrong here my faithful, blog-reading peeps?
I'll tell you how many:

Interests- nobody gives a shit unless it directly relates to the job you are applying for. So unless this idiot is specifically going to museums solely displaying natural disaster relics... it correlates to insurance how exactly?

"Refrences"- don't belong on a resume. Period. They belong on a separate sheet and are given out ONLY when requested by potential employers. 

Oh, and spell the fucking word right while you're at it.

"Memebership of Professional..." - that must be SOME professional group, that's all I have to say to that one.


OY could I pick this apart. But mainly have to say this:
HEY MORON... I don't work for the Beverly Hilton Hotel. You can take your desire to be a Group/Coordinator/Reservation Supervisor and stick it where the sun don't shine.


"Objective: With conviction, my objection is to build and establish a social network."
What. The. Fuck.
You are against the Book of Face? 
I don't get it.


Well aren't you special Sunshine?
I love how the horses and dogs are an afterthought. 
Oh, AND their own sentence.
On a resume.
Also the fact that she owned a home or two?
Astounding.


"Dealt with patty cash"?
Is this what patrons of the Krusty Krab should use to pay for their meal?



Look closely at this one my friends...


"...before and after shit.
Ummm really? Just REALLY?? 
Perhaps another set of eyeballs could have pointed out how to correctly spell the word "shift".


Oh yummy... a hair scanned onto a resume.
Every recruiter loves it when this happens. 

Also? I'm sure PIERCE college would be proud to know that this certain somebody I'll just call "Richard Cranium" attended their school and couldn't even come away with the ability to spell it correctly.


And last, but certainly not least... 


The subliminal-ness of this subliminal message, is not very subliminal.
The jackass has clearly been watching too much Pinky and the Brain. (Watch a clip of Pinky and sidekick here for kicks.)


Until next time my little chickadees, peace out and NARF!!