What's the matter with you? Don't you always do a resume in Excel??

First off, my apologies for having disappeared for a smidge of time.

I have perfectly legitimate reasons though... like:

Excuse #1:
We bought a house!

It's purple... on the outside.

And pink... on the inside. 

You think I joke?

I would not joke about such a debacle.

Here is proof:

See? Purple. Or florescent lavender. Whichever you prefer. 

That, my friends, is the living room. 

So either Mary Kay herself lived here previously, or a very whacked in the head older woman. Who may or may not have had an extreme obsession with Mary Kay and her products. (From what the neighbors have been telling us, it's the latter.)

Needless to say, it needs some work!

So I've been painting. Like cwazeeeee. Also? Moving. Or what I like to call "Shifting Shit". But not in front of the kid because she thinks I'm a total angel and has no idea I have a potty mouth. (PFFFTTT yeah, right.)

The moving part doesn't scare me though as we've moved 14 times in 17 years of marriage. Or some such ugly number close to that. I am a super duper packer and mover though, to the extent that 4 moves back I finally got smart and made laminated, reusable tags for our boxes. (No, we are not a military family, just gypsy-like.) Here's a pic of a reusable tag so you can make fun of me:

Silly yet brilliant all at the same time, right? (I know you're totally jealous of my insane life and ability to keep cute clip art tags on hand for such necessary occasions...)

Blog writing postponement excuse #2:

My husband and I decided to back my hours down to part time, if my boss would be willing. And because I have the *Coolest. Boss. Ever.* he said "Okay! Now find me an afternoon recruiter!".

Oy vey.

Easier said than done... finding another me has been, um, interesting. 

First there was the dude that said "I'm retired, youthful, and don't want a career so you won't get me more than 3.5 hours a day..." (3.5? WTF?), and then the lady that emailed me a copy of HER BANK STATEMENT which she deemed as her resume in the attachment. 

REALLY PEOPLE?? These are my choices? I'm ready to give up and I've only been searching for my Stephanie Twin for a week now. 

Sigh.

But the worst offender was a gal we'll just call "Linda" who sent me her resume in THIS format:

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttb78\f\f0\swiss\pard\pard} b

\tab\tab\tab\\\\\tab\b\fs22\pard\li2310

\fs27\|fs20fontlucida{include:/par  

etc etc

TWO PAGES of this crap.

I could tell she'd done it in some kind of a lame program like "Works" or some such nonsense.

Now, this isn't the first time I've seen this by any stretch of the imagination. But this is the first time I actually stopped and emailed one of them that committed this Crime Against Recruiters. 

What did I say you ask? 

A simple "Hello. You submitted your resume for my Recruiter position and THIS is a copy paste of what it actually looks like to the world you're sending it out to...." 

I wasn't mean, I wasn't snotty or pretentious. I was actually nice about it. (I know you're totally shocked.) It was more of a "Just thought I'd let you know in case you want to fix it" kind of a situation. I also suggested she find a friend with Microsoft Word already uploaded on their computer to borrow and work on it OR to upload the Student trial for free.

I was gracious and clear.

Or so I thought.

Because THIS is what she emailed me back:

"Hi Stephanie, thank you for your email. I have Excell uploaded on my computer. I should probably do it in that and then resubmit it to you. Thanks, Linda"

Um REALLY?

FREAKING REALLY?

Who the HELL does their resume in Excel? 

I can't even believe she wrote that back to me. 

And SHE wants to replace ME for part of the day. Ha! 

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with George and Jerry and the "And you wanna be my latex salesman" scene... not familiar? Click on this to get schooled.

And now, if you'll excuse me... I have a house to go prep so that the World's Slowest Lawnmower has a new place to rest her furry little head. 

Peace out my peeps!