I'm BAAAAAAACK!!

Hello my little chickadees- I'm back!
Did you miss me?
I missed you.
I also missed writing this blog.
Truthfully I missed anything even slightly resembling *normal*... whatever the hell that is.

So let's discuss the holidays first, shall we?
How were your holidays?
Did you get anything good?
Anything weird?
Anything crappy?
Did you spend your cherished time off with loved ones that drove you bat shit crazy? Or were you one of those lucky bastards that got to be left alone and free from the lunacy?

We had lots of people over at our house that drove from lands far, far away, just to be with us silly peeps.

And I was sick with the Worst. Cold. Ever.
Which, (along with a new Kindle Fire), was my husband's Christmas gift to me this year.

My mother-in-law politely told me I looked like "death warmed over" when she showed up on our doorstep. Amazingly I wasn't offended, as that's how I felt. I guess I thought "Good, it shows" or something ridiculous like that.

And of course, right on cue, my fused spine decided to act up as well. I suppose it didn't want to be left out.

By Christmas Eve I was such a hot mess my sweet teenage daughter finally told me that I had too many "issues" and sent me to my room.
That was memorable.

I'm still not quite sure how, but I managed to pull my sorry ass out of bed on Christmas morning... up by myself at 7 am cooking a huge breakfast for everyone because the sickest in the house gets up the earliest and slaves the hardest, no? Does this not happen in your house?
Because it does in mine.

By the evening time I was somehow feeling *slightly* better. I'm assuming because I had managed to pass the Cold Baton off to my poor brother-in-law, who promptly went to bed and put a pillow over his head to try and muffle out the annoying festivities radiating from the bottom floor of our house. My sister and hubby and I managed to pull off a fantastic dinner- all 14 peeps enjoyed it thoroughly from what we could tell. I suppose hearing from everyone how great everything was makes all the effort and hundreds of dollars worth it.
Or one can only hope.

Here's some pics of the house I wanted to share- my sister and I spent hours decorating Ole Blue (what we affectionately call our 2 story, 4000' monster with hideous blue carpet we want to rip out but can't because the house doesn't belong to us...). My hubby managed to skate by on helping with the house prep (so NOT surprised there), but we were somehow able to take advantage of my brother-in-law's recently discovered love of roaming on the roof as you can bet your bippy my sister Tracy and I weren't about to haul our asses up there.

Here's some shots of the outside:

                               Our pillars leading up to the front door...

       Front walkway- tree #1 in the window...

We decided we love large ornaments and hung them everywhere...

Figured out a way to get our huge wreath WAAAAYYY up there

Which was really only possible because bro-in-law was kind and willing to do it

Here's some pics of the inside:

One of 3 trees in the house

The coolest mantle ever, thanks to ideas my sis and I stole from Pinterest...

So that's it, you get the idea. 

It was a lot of effort, and I suffered through a good deal of it because of my health issues, but overall I guess one could call all of it a success.

Now, just to make sure I cover ALL the holiday festivities...

on to the New Year's discussion!

Just so I act like a good blogger and say it before I forget, 

HAPPY 2012 EVERYBODY!

Did you all go out and party it up?

Or are you getting old like me and so you sat on your Kindle and played Words With Friends with your childhood buddies and out of state cousins? My goal was to make it PAST midnight, while still being awake. And despite a teensy bit too much wine and champagne, I met that goal, so I consider the night a smashing success! (And my WWF opponents would probably also consider the night a smashing success considering they all kicked my ass... I totally blame it on the booze if any of you are reading this.)

Anyhoo! How about the topic of Resolutions...does anybody out there still make them? 

I am not a huge fan of them but I'll play along- here are my boring resolutions...

1. To eat healthier, and exercise more (pffft, yeah, THAT'S happening... I still don't see what's wrong with having chocolate and wine for dinner, I really don't.)

2. To bring more balance to my life for time to somehow be evened out and distributed fairly. (Yeah, that's also totally happening, what with the working full time, being a wife and a mommy, being a property manager along with my hubby, being a blogger and guest writer, fixing resumes, being addicted to Words With Friends, trying to spend more time sailing, working out more to get healthier, taking time to cook more to eat healthier... how am I supposed to do this? I know, I just won't sleep! That'll handle it.)

3. To drink less. (HA!)

4. To get more sleep (This totally contradicts Resolution #2, so HA again!)

5. To watch less TV (there's only about 17 shows I'm addicted to that I'd have to wean myself off of, that won't hurt one bit...)

6. To be more frugal. (Oh brother.)

This is all just getting damn ridiculous, so I'll stop.

Where are New Year's Resolution lists that say the following:

1. Eat worse; gain weight.

2. Do whatever the hell I feel like, with no regard to balance or anyone in my immediate surroundings.

3. Drink more.

4. Party harder; get more tattoos.

5. Watch more TV.

6. Spend more money.

That's a list I'd like to see somebody actually write. 

Forget about all this disciplined crap. 

Because really, we all think we'd be "better" human beings if we followed these lists but what would we TRUTHFULLY be like if we followed our disciplined New Year's Resolutions?

Boring.

And crabby as all HELL, that's what we'd be.  

So considering the fact that this blog is supposed to be about resumes, what the HECK does any of the above have to do with resumes you ask? Hold your horses, I'm getting there!

With the exception of the 3 days off my boss was nice enough to give us this holiday season, I worked straight through. I did not, however, get very many resumes. I am used to this by now, as nobody seems to have an interest in finding a job around this time of year. They are all apparently caught up in the festivities. Not the most brilliant tactic in my mind, but hey, that's just how people are right now. Mentally "gone"- mentally hanging ornaments or something.

The few resumes I did get were quite interesting (too much egg nog?) so I can't wait to share those later, but the one I wanted to bring up now cracked me up because it read like a cross between a court oath and a New Year's Resolution list. 

Here's a piece of what was actually on "Maria's" resume- not in a cover letter or a private email to me, but directly ON the resume:

"I, Maria __________, do hereby swear and affirm that the information contained herein is completely and utterly true to the best of my knowledge. If considered for the position you are offering, I do hereby promise to be the best, most disciplined employee you will hire in 2012."

Awwww. That's sweet.

And weird.

And totally inappropriate to put on one's resume.

And I could pick it apart 20 different ways from Sunday but for now I'll just chalk it up to 'Tis the Season!

Cheers everybody!

Here's to a great, UNDISCIPLINED 2012.