Setting: My house, mid-day on a cloudy Sunday.
Me: Trying to work on a resume order in my office, which happens to be in the front of the house and doesn't have a door to close. (Need for door? Noted.)
Me in head: Okay! Going to attack Corrina's resume now. I promised it done by tomorrow morning, I've got to get on this. I'm less than half way done.
Pull open previously saved Word doc... rearrange and adjust brain to car dealership verbiage...
TV in living room flips on. Look up to see teenage daughter plopped on couch 50' away with a mug full of dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Me: "Try to keep it down hun. I'm trying to concentrate on an order."
Daughter: "Okay!"
TV: "Cam STOP!"
Oh gawd.
She's watching Modern Family. I haven't seen it yet. I really want to see that episode.
"Is that a Bulldog sweatshirt I see?"
Oh gawd.
I hear Matthew Broderick's voice. Really want to watch.
Must.
Concentrate.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Drier buzzes.
I should get that. I need to transfer laundry.
7 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Ring!
Oh goody, an incoming phone call. I have to take it. It's from a contractor we've been waiting to get a bid from.
6 minutes later:
WWF message pops up.
Must check.
What's that you say? You're out of vowels? I SO can't concentrate on your vowel-lacking issues right now but MAN I totally want to.
Don't answer Stephanie Sue, just put the phone down...
"Squeee! Squeee!"
Me: "Beck! The pig needs food! Please go feed her."
Daughter: "Okay, but hold on, this is funny!"
Me: Sigh.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Incoming message alert from resume inbox:
"Hello Stephanie... you did my resume earlier this year and my entire hard drive crashed on my computer. Would you mind sending it all to me again? Thanks so much."
Okay, commence assisting client...
10 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Daughter in between loud crunching on dry cereal: "Bahahahaha!!"
Me: "What now? Are you still watching Modern Family? And why must you laugh out loud when you know I can't watch it yet??"
Daughter: "I'm not watching Modern Family anymore. Now I'm watching the neighbors."
Daughter: "Clarification: I'm not watching our ACTUAL neighbors, I'm watching "The Neighbors". Cuz if I was watching our ACTUAL neighbors, that would be kinda creepy."
Noted.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Phone: Chirp!
Incoming text message from agent at work:
"What's the 800 # for service help?"
Why does he need to know this? It's SUNDAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. THE SERVICE CENTER ISN'T EVEN OPEN."
Me back via text: "1-800-555-5555 don't bother trying until tomorrow"
Stupid people.
Husband walks in and plops himself down on a chair in the office next to me: "What's the highest I'm allowed to bid on my motorcycle? I need a number."
Me: "TWO DOLLARS"
Husband: "Very funny. No really, I need a number."
Gawd this resume really isn't getting done.
Commence discussion over fantastic motorcycle of the week he's been obsessing on and driving me batty about...
4 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Gawd my shoulder blades are KILLING ME. I really need to lay down. But I can't. I have to get this done.
Husband, back in office again. Standing behind me vigorously shaking a can of spray paint right by my head while handing me a different can "What do you think of this color for the lamp I'm creating for us?"
Me: "It's lovely dear. Can you go shake that somewhere else?" accompanied by my best version of a death glare.
Husband: "What? You're just sitting there. You should go do some laundry or something."
Me: Ramped up death glare with additional teeth gritting for *extra persuasiveness*.
Phone: Chirp!
Text message from family member: "I had an awful night at work, I came home late crying. Can you help me with my resume?"
Me back: "Of course. And call me later to discuss. I'm sorry :0("
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Email alert:
Daily mother-in-law email regarding Northern California weather report I totally don't care about. Must not answer now. Note to self: do that later.
Hanging with friends alert!
"Good luck solving THAT one. I'm tired of you winning me!"
Pffft. Totally want to answer that but MUST RESIST.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Oh my gawd my hair hurts. I have to take this pony tail out.
And I'm hungry. I should really eat something.
Ooo! I know, I should have left overs from last night's dinner out. OOOOO! And I get to eat on our new dining room set! Squeeeee!!
Up from my chair, passing by dining room, wait. Hold up. Who the HELL put shit all over the new table? What is it about our house and an empty table or surface being like a magnet for miscellaneous CRAP to land all over it? I HATE THAT! And this stuff? Has my husband's name all over it.
Well shit, now I have to clean it off so I have a place to sit. First, let me re-heat my yumminess in the microwave.
Two minutes later, cleaning off table while grumbling: Boom!
Oopsies, I think I got a bit over zealous with the time needed to reheat.
3 minutes later... eating.
Husband comes and sits at the table with me and stares at me and my food. Longingly.
Sigh.
Finishing eating, rinse off dish in sink. The dishes really need to be put away. I should really put the dishes away. NO. I have to finish Corrina's resume!!!
Patter back to office, only to find this:
"Tasha! Get down huney. I don't need your help this afternoon, thank you."
Sigh.
Cat scampers out of room leaving wake of destruction in her path.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Poking in my back.
"Mom, I'm hungry."
Me: "Rebekah Anne! You just ATE! And go fix your own food."
Daughter: "But what do we have?"
Me: "What do you want?"
Daughter: "Nothing we have."
Me: "This game we play is fun. I'd really miss it if we didn't play it every day."
Obnoxious car honking and police sirens start blaring on freeway.
Drier buzzes.
Okay.
I give up.
I'll just do it in the middle of the night like I usually do.
Family/TV/phone/games/emails/pets/freeway = 1
Steph = 0
(P.S. Captcha is gone my faithful blog reading chickadees... no more struggling when you want to comment!)
Me: Trying to work on a resume order in my office, which happens to be in the front of the house and doesn't have a door to close. (Need for door? Noted.)
Me in head: Okay! Going to attack Corrina's resume now. I promised it done by tomorrow morning, I've got to get on this. I'm less than half way done.
Pull open previously saved Word doc... rearrange and adjust brain to car dealership verbiage...
TV in living room flips on. Look up to see teenage daughter plopped on couch 50' away with a mug full of dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Me: "Try to keep it down hun. I'm trying to concentrate on an order."
Daughter: "Okay!"
TV: "Cam STOP!"
Oh gawd.
She's watching Modern Family. I haven't seen it yet. I really want to see that episode.
"Is that a Bulldog sweatshirt I see?"
Oh gawd.
I hear Matthew Broderick's voice. Really want to watch.
Must.
Concentrate.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Drier buzzes.
I should get that. I need to transfer laundry.
7 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Ring!
Oh goody, an incoming phone call. I have to take it. It's from a contractor we've been waiting to get a bid from.
6 minutes later:
WWF message pops up.
Must check.
What's that you say? You're out of vowels? I SO can't concentrate on your vowel-lacking issues right now but MAN I totally want to.
Don't answer Stephanie Sue, just put the phone down...
"Squeee! Squeee!"
Me: "Beck! The pig needs food! Please go feed her."
Daughter: "Okay, but hold on, this is funny!"
Me: Sigh.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Incoming message alert from resume inbox:
"Hello Stephanie... you did my resume earlier this year and my entire hard drive crashed on my computer. Would you mind sending it all to me again? Thanks so much."
Okay, commence assisting client...
10 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Daughter in between loud crunching on dry cereal: "Bahahahaha!!"
Me: "What now? Are you still watching Modern Family? And why must you laugh out loud when you know I can't watch it yet??"
Daughter: "I'm not watching Modern Family anymore. Now I'm watching the neighbors."
Daughter: "Clarification: I'm not watching our ACTUAL neighbors, I'm watching "The Neighbors". Cuz if I was watching our ACTUAL neighbors, that would be kinda creepy."
Noted.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Phone: Chirp!
Incoming text message from agent at work:
"What's the 800 # for service help?"
Why does he need to know this? It's SUNDAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. THE SERVICE CENTER ISN'T EVEN OPEN."
Me back via text: "1-800-555-5555 don't bother trying until tomorrow"
Stupid people.
Husband walks in and plops himself down on a chair in the office next to me: "What's the highest I'm allowed to bid on my motorcycle? I need a number."
Me: "TWO DOLLARS"
Husband: "Very funny. No really, I need a number."
Gawd this resume really isn't getting done.
Commence discussion over fantastic motorcycle of the week he's been obsessing on and driving me batty about...
4 minutes later:
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Gawd my shoulder blades are KILLING ME. I really need to lay down. But I can't. I have to get this done.
Husband, back in office again. Standing behind me vigorously shaking a can of spray paint right by my head while handing me a different can "What do you think of this color for the lamp I'm creating for us?"
Me: "It's lovely dear. Can you go shake that somewhere else?" accompanied by my best version of a death glare.
Husband: "What? You're just sitting there. You should go do some laundry or something."
Me: Ramped up death glare with additional teeth gritting for *extra persuasiveness*.
Phone: Chirp!
Text message from family member: "I had an awful night at work, I came home late crying. Can you help me with my resume?"
Me back: "Of course. And call me later to discuss. I'm sorry :0("
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Email alert:
Daily mother-in-law email regarding Northern California weather report I totally don't care about. Must not answer now. Note to self: do that later.
Hanging with friends alert!
"Good luck solving THAT one. I'm tired of you winning me!"
Pffft. Totally want to answer that but MUST RESIST.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Oh my gawd my hair hurts. I have to take this pony tail out.
And I'm hungry. I should really eat something.
Ooo! I know, I should have left overs from last night's dinner out. OOOOO! And I get to eat on our new dining room set! Squeeeee!!
Up from my chair, passing by dining room, wait. Hold up. Who the HELL put shit all over the new table? What is it about our house and an empty table or surface being like a magnet for miscellaneous CRAP to land all over it? I HATE THAT! And this stuff? Has my husband's name all over it.
 |
| Husband was here. |
 |
| Day before- husband was NOT here yet. See the difference? |
Well shit, now I have to clean it off so I have a place to sit. First, let me re-heat my yumminess in the microwave.
Two minutes later, cleaning off table while grumbling: Boom!
Oopsies, I think I got a bit over zealous with the time needed to reheat.
3 minutes later... eating.
Husband comes and sits at the table with me and stares at me and my food. Longingly.
Sigh.
Finishing eating, rinse off dish in sink. The dishes really need to be put away. I should really put the dishes away. NO. I have to finish Corrina's resume!!!
Patter back to office, only to find this:
 |
| "I think your computer needs some love mom. Let me just rub myself all over it to give you some good resume mojo. I think that's what you've been missing mom." |
"Tasha! Get down huney. I don't need your help this afternoon, thank you."
 |
| "No, I'm good. I think I'll just stay thank you." |
Sigh.
Cat scampers out of room leaving wake of destruction in her path.
Car dealerships... car dealerships...
Poking in my back.
"Mom, I'm hungry."
Me: "Rebekah Anne! You just ATE! And go fix your own food."
Daughter: "But what do we have?"
Me: "What do you want?"
Daughter: "Nothing we have."
Me: "This game we play is fun. I'd really miss it if we didn't play it every day."
Obnoxious car honking and police sirens start blaring on freeway.
Drier buzzes.
Okay.
I give up.
I'll just do it in the middle of the night like I usually do.
Family/TV/phone/games/emails/pets/freeway = 1
Steph = 0
(P.S. Captcha is gone my faithful blog reading chickadees... no more struggling when you want to comment!)
My gosh, Steph... & to think, a part of me envies your line(s) of work & nice new clutter catcher.
ReplyDeleteSorta glad to know my work from home environment is "normal". Like the new table!
ReplyDeleteYeah, we have that magnetic table attracting of piles of shit phenomenon in our house as well. I try my best to keep the kitchen table free of most clutter, and I have yet to purchase a dining room table (which would be buried in crap, if history is an indication), but my poor island in the kitchen is hopeless. Hopeless I say!!
ReplyDeleteThat Modern Family ep was pretty funny. Hope you got a chance to watch it. :)