Is the advice I give appreciated? Hardly.

I know I jokingly answer some of the emails I receive here on my blog, but somebody asked me the other day if I actually ever email some of these job seekers back to let them know how badly they are fucking up their chances of landing a position. 

You bet your sweet bippy I do.

Do they appreciate my efforts at making them a better job seeker?
Hardly.

I pulled some actual examples of mistakes being made and my responses... and here they are, in all their glory.  

From Alexandra, with a Bachelor of Arts in English, her position as a Journalist listed with the following description:
"Worked on a featured eekly college newspaper"

I emailed her to tell her that while her exact skill set was not a match to the position she'd applied for with my company, I'm sure her journalistic and English skills were more than likely going to be an advantage to another searching employer. I also added that unless the college newspaper was actually CALLED the "Eekly Examiner," she might want to consider changing the word "eekly" to "weekly". 


From Amanda, who only had the following listed as a resume:

"Amanda J_______
805-555-1212
sxkitten711@____.com

Resume

Objective: to obtain a job in collections as a collections agent"

And that was it.

So here's what I emailed the Lovely SexKitten Miss Amanda (even though I knew I would do absolutely NOTHING with her):

"Dear Amanda,
Thank you for your response to my job posting on ______.com. I was just wondering where the rest of your resume is? It looked extremely incomplete and I was curious as to whether or not that is a mistake and you meant to send me something else? 
Also out of curiosity... does "Sxkitten711" in your email address stand for "Sex Kitten? And if it does, I was just wondering how you thought that might be beneficial to your job search?
Regards,
Stephanie N.
Recruiting Director for ____________ "

And then there's this frequently made mistake as of late... where people are putting this junk instead of their name:

I don't know WHERE they are getting this template from (possibly Monster from what I can gather), but I get at least 1 or 2 of these resumes a week. So I finally got fed up with it and emailed this guy in particular to give him an "insider's perspective". This is what I told Mr. Paul (whose name I only know because it was attached to his email address...):

"Dear Paul,
Thank you for applying for the position of ____________ I have posted on _______________.com right now. I am attaching a picture of your resume that I took with my phone after I printed it out and placed it on my desk. Why would I do this you ask? I wanted you to see how the Recruiters and Hiring Managers of the world actually SEE what you are sending out. In a nutshell, unless the name on your birth certificate is "Error! Reference source not found." I think it's time to correct your mistake. My spidey senses tell me you'll have a better shot at actually landing a position that way.
Best,
Stephanie ..."

Did any of these job seekers actually RESPOND to my cheeky emails pointing out their stupid mistakes? 
Nope.

Shits given?
0

Peace out my peeps.