Are you KIDDING ME with this crap?

Plugging along through my day...


Things ironically weren't going that badly until I came to a resume that made me yell out at my desk, I imagine once again causing my co-workers to revisit the thought of talking to me about going into therapy.


Cute and clever little Dustin thought he'd impress me with his long-winded cover note as he must have read some online job-hunting tip  about how you should say what times you're available to come in and speak with your possible future employer. 


I've seen this done quite a bit, I'd say probably 25% of the people that send me their resumes do this. 


And to be honest, it's kind of annoying. 


I understand that it's supposed to trick the employer into thinking that you "gave it some thought" and actually looked at your schedule and really mean and intend for them to be hypnotized into calling you and that this in turn will result in them having you come in on one of the specific days and times you outlined...

but it doesn't work.


At least not for me.


And here's why:
Dustin started out his cover note in the typical fashion those 25%'ers do. Here's the beginning:


"I was very excited when I saw your open position for an Insurance Agent. I would be more than happy to come in for an interview and to learn more about the job position at your earliest convenience. I can come in anytime this Thursday or Friday between 10am and 1pm or sometime next week, preferably Monday or Wednesday between 2:30 pm and 6:00pm."


So did you follow all that? 
Because if you did then good for you, you might actually be better at this racket than I am. My point being-
Do you see how if a recruiter/HR type was to actually stare at a calendar and mentally block those days and times out 
a) it would be annoying as all hell and
b) the person's eyes would start to cross, ultimately throwing the resume up in the air and say "I GIVE UP!"


But wait, Dustin wasn't done.


"I could also meet on a Sunday from 4pm to 5:30pm. Please let me know what time would be best and how long you think the interview will take."


Ummmm, excuse me? Did Dustin just say what I THINK he just said?


How long will the interview take?


Whoa, back it up Jack. 


First of all, you've overwhelmed and annoyed me with your fancy "trickery" and/or demands that you think are so clever.


Second of all, unless there's an actual emergency requiring us to help our insured clients out in the field, the day my boss comes in to interview somebody on a Sunday from 4pm to 5:30pm is the day you're Jesus Christ himself. As HE would be somebody worth coming in on a Sunday for.


Third....how DARE you want to know how long the interview will take. That's not something you ask until you've been INVITED to actually come and INTERVIEW, and even then? A little ballsy. You've got to be a top notch candidate to ask me that on the phone, and that's only *slightly acceptable* after we've already booked the interview time on the boss's calendar.


You clearly have too much going on with your very important life to fit us in Mr. Dustin ...so best of luck to you sir. 


Oh and by the way, Dustin's current employment status?


Unemployed.


Dustin's current school schedule?


Not going to school.


Tsk tsk.


Dustin, as Napoleon Dynamite would say,

 "IDIOT!"    

DELETE!