Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Is the advice I give appreciated? Hardly.

I know I jokingly answer some of the emails I receive here on my blog, but somebody asked me the other day if I actually ever email some of these job seekers back to let them know how badly they are fucking up their chances of landing a position. 

You bet your sweet bippy I do.

Do they appreciate my efforts at making them a better job seeker?
Hardly.

I pulled some actual examples of mistakes being made and my responses... and here they are, in all their glory.  

From Alexandra, with a Bachelor of Arts in English, her position as a Journalist listed with the following description:
"Worked on a featured eekly college newspaper"

I emailed her to tell her that while her exact skill set was not a match to the position she'd applied for with my company, I'm sure her journalistic and English skills were more than likely going to be an advantage to another searching employer. I also added that unless the college newspaper was actually CALLED the "Eekly Examiner," she might want to consider changing the word "eekly" to "weekly". 


From Amanda, who only had the following listed as a resume:

"Amanda J_______
805-555-1212
sxkitten711@____.com


Resume
Objective: to obtain a job in collections as a collections agent"

And that was it.

So here's what I emailed the Lovely SexKitten Miss Amanda (even though I knew I would do absolutely NOTHING with her):

"Dear Amanda,
Thank you for your response to my job posting on ______.com. I was just wondering where the rest of your resume is? It looked extremely incomplete and I was curious as to whether or not that is a mistake and you meant to send me something else? 
Also out of curiosity... does "Sxkitten711" in your email address stand for "Sex Kitten? And if it does, I was just wondering how you thought that might be beneficial to your job search?
Regards,
Stephanie N.
Recruiting Director for ____________ "

And then there's this frequently made mistake as of late... where people are putting this junk instead of their name:


I don't know WHERE they are getting this template from (possibly Monster from what I can gather), but I get at least 1 or 2 of these resumes a week. So I finally got fed up with it and emailed this guy in particular to give him an "insider's perspective". This is what I told Mr. Paul (whose name I only know because it was attached to his email address...):

"Dear Paul,
Thank you for applying for the position of ____________ I have posted on _______________.com right now. I am attaching a picture of your resume that I took with my phone after I printed it out and placed it on my desk. Why would I do this you ask? I wanted you to see how the Recruiters and Hiring Managers of the world actually SEE what you are sending out. In a nutshell, unless the name on your birth certificate is "Error! Reference source not found." I think it's time to correct your mistake. My spidey senses tell me you'll have a better shot at actually landing a position that way.
Best,
Stephanie ..."

Did any of these job seekers actually RESPOND to my cheeky emails pointing out their stupid mistakes? 
Nope.

Shits given?
0



Peace out my peeps.

14 comments:

  1. Bbbbwwwwwwaaaaahhhhahahahaaaaa... beats an irrate, defensive, asshat response I suppose. With any luck, maybe they changed their shitz & were just too embarrassed to respond. I know I would be. Have I TOLD YOU THE AFLAC STORY?????? SMDH@MS

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  2. Ah, the Eekly Examiner. I remember it well. My favorite story was the expose of a famous politician named "Error! Reference source not found" and a local prostitute that went by the name of Sex Kitten 711. What a scandal!!

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  3. Bahahahaha!! Mistyslaws, you're killin' me! Nice work!

    a24hrmom- Yes, I love your AFLAC story! ;0)

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  9. Oh sweetie . . . you need something to stop all the spammers. Does blogger have Akismet? I know it's a Wordpress thing, but not sure what you guys have. You need it.

    Also . . . I miss you. Are you ok? Is your back acting up?

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  10. Why do ass holes comment just so they can get backlinks to their pieces of shit blogs?

    They should go back to sending those cheesy emails telling me how their wife got ran over by a water buffalo and they need to get $40,000,000.00 out of their fucked up third world country, and I can help if I send them all my bank info.

    Anyways...

    I found your blog today and love it.

    You are a very good writer.

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  11. Just a heads-up that I've cited this insanely awesome blog on my post on resume writing. (http://ll-saorichan-ll.blogspot.com/2013/01/building-effective-resume.html) Thanks for the inspiration!

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    1. Thank you for this- so appreciate the mention!

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  12. Good lord, I saw 16 comments, and I was all like, "Resume Lady got a good ONE going! I gotta go see that..." Anonymous. Shitballs. Why would anyone click on those damn links? Dumb.

    Anyway - it WAS a fantastic post!! :) My hubs is in the process of applying for employment (ugh) and I have gone over that resume with a fine toothed comb about 38 times.

    Don't be dumb, people. Read what you send. Duh.

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  13. This is what happens when I disappear for a while? Yikes

    My apologies to all my ACTUAL, non-robotic spammer-type commenters here... I don't have a way to avoid this unless I put the captcha back on, which everybody hated so... I give up.

    ACTUALLY going to put a new post up this week... not dead! Not dead!

    Thanks to all you REAL people for your comments and for your concern.

    I luff you guys.
    ;0)

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