Monday, April 29, 2013

Wanna get noticed? Say this crap.

Wondering what you should say to recruiters, HR peeps, hiring managers and the like while job hunting?

How about any of these handy dandy examples?

They'll get you noticed for sho':

"I am very analytic to help notice my strong weak points."

"I am talented in design angles of communications."

"I thrive on greatness."

"I would like to be interested in your offer but wasn't I told you would need a woman."

"I believe that my mathematical and algebraic, flexible, computer and fantastic determined skills can bring to your company what your company is looking for."

"I know I'd be able to show you the skills I'd learn in 64 hours of training to show you the benefits of hiring me and my incredible self-confidence."

"I have amazing participation skills."

"My goof friend's father sold insurance, so I feel I know a lot of stuff about insurance."

"I'm 6'3" tall so I can do most things."

"I am seeking a job position that may finally offer me for an interview."

"I've been unemployed and I know a long break but I highly go back to work to me happy and whole."

"I am really interested in this job. Please give me a call to schedule an interview for Tuesday and Tuesday only."

"I have did EVERY POSSIBLE computer and office function."

"Although I am not a teacher, I have spoken English my whole life."

"I've gained numerous knowledge for your position while doing worm farming."

"I think my experience with tig welding will apply well to this job."

"Well I am just a black and white person who loves people and walks the line in life."

"Money is a NEED not a luxury for me!"

"If this is an emergency situation and you need to get in touch with me you can rich me at this number..."

"I'm very hesistant about insurance but I'm applying anyway."

"My objective is to expand myself and gain life long Partners."

"I'm a highly candidate that can more than fulfill your advertised open position."

"I am a high person ready to overcome and goals for my future."

"Thank you for replaying back my resume."

"My intereset in persuring in a field is growing in knowledge and will to severence."

"I am a very trust wordy employee."

"I am looking to interview ass soon as possible."

and last but certainly not least:

"I have basic-intermediate knowledge of wines because I drink a lot of it."

Until next time, peace out my peeps!


  1. Using that last one, but will make one alteration: Near expert level as opposed to basic-intermediate. Think that will get me noticed?

  2. You know... I would like to believe that these are all examples of people's resumes where English wasn't their first language... But honestly, ESL applicants probably have better English skills than most people who were born to it... So sad, and yet, so funny too. :)

    Thanks, Steph! :-)

  3. I had one applicant a few weeks ago who had a weird cover letter. It had cliparts on the side and had a title, of all things! I showed it to my colleague, and the immediate comment was “Well, you can give him an A for effort”. From then on, he was immortalized as Effort Guy.

    But Effort Guy’s story didn’t end there. After getting over the clipart, I started reading the cover letter, and it started like this:

    “Can I slice a minute of your time?”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No. *shreds*

  4. Oh Ruby... that's AWESOME SAUCE!! Thanks for sharing!