Apostrophes 101

Aaah the use of an apostrophe.

I admit, I've been labeled as the Grammar Police a time or two.
My sister even gave me a badge for it:

Technically I'm okay with this, really I am. Although my 13 year old moans at me when I get on her about her spelling errors, what I really go postal about is the fact that people don't have the brains in this day and age (with all this incredible technology available at their fingertips mind you) to press the damn spell check button.
Which, need I remind everyone? Does all the work for you.

Sure you have to go through the random highlighted choices and click either ignore or change but dear gawd people, how freakin' lazy can you be?
Pretty unbefreakinlievable lazy.

That's why I don't understand how any reasonable adult, age 18 and above, can just willy nilly submit whatever and not give a rat's ass about it.

See here's the thing- obviously job seekers have just one shot at making an impression from that measly piece of paper. And that shot? Literally lasts seconds. SECONDS.



Wanna know how many seconds it takes me to know if the person's going to be worth taking the time to evaluate them further?
3.
Yup you read that right, THREE SECONDS.

So here's a big secret I'm gonna share with you:
Recruiters and HR types everywhere know that how you represent yourself on paper equals how you'll represent yourself in person. And obviously that translates into how you will represent their company. I can already tell you that if items on a resume are misspelled, out of order or the whole thing's basically a massive, grammatical hell hole, that person's gonna show up to the interview late and completely disheveled. Shirt won't be ironed, hair all a muss...it's pretty much guaranteed they'll look like a hot, incompetent mess.
And that?
Could eventually turn into this if the company decided to risk it and hire the discombobulated soul:

Alright, so on to the resume that launched me off on my tirade today...

This poor, confused, incoherent job seeker sent me her resume full of the worst annihilation of the innocent apostrophe I'd ever seen... here are exact quotes taken from her lovely submission:

Qualification's
*Efficient with working habit's (Ha!)
*Organized in and out of working surrounding's (Liar liar, your panties are on fire!)
*Persistent in multi-tasking on a job bases's (Wtf does that even mean?)
*Tolerant in receiving positive feedback's (Well thank goodness cuz receiving positive feedback's is hard, isn't it? So glad she's able to tolerate it's's's)
*Customer service on hands's  (I could go about 20 different directions with this puppy but I'll just slowly back away...)

Clearly this numb skull missed Apostrophes 101.
As for me?

Mind. Blown.