Missed Opportunities

I love young college students.

I really do.

I find it admirable that they're doing their best to get a higher education and to "better" themselves to make them more productive citizens of society.

I also understand that attempting to launch themselves into the "real world" can be a little scary.
Confusing.
Difficult.

I get the idea of "padding" up a resume if you've done nothing BUT gone to school. I've actually helped people in this predicament compose their resumes into what I would call a "reasonable" fashion given their circumstances.

I understand being desperate because mommy and daddy are breathing down your neck to GET A REAL JOB AND STOP BEING A PROFESSIONAL STUDENT ALREADY. If you've been one of those college students that's been lucky enough to live at home with the parental units getting free room and board and getting your tuition paid for as well, OR lucky enough that the parental units are paying for you to live SOMEWHERE ELSE on their dime, with spending money to boot and you just have to go to school, then eventually? Your luck's going to run out. That's just a fact of life. At some point or another it's going to be time to be a grown up and start supporting yourself and stop milking your time in college going to frat parties and pretending that carrying 8 units is absolutely KILLING you, that it's ALL that you can handle.
Although I wasn't lucky enough to be in that particular predicament, I had a lot of college friends that were so even though it slightly angered me that I wasn't that lucky, I GET ALL THAT.

What I don't get, however, is when a college student is insistent that our particular company fits into what they've been studying and that we'd have a "mutually beneficial" relationship if we hire them at a high wage for a mid-level position of which they know nothing about. I'm embarrassed for them that because they have a special piece of paper they walk around with the attitude that they are "entitled" to start much farther up the food chain than most of the other average folk out there. (More on my annoyance with the "Entitled Generation" to come in future blog posts...)

This particular charming college student took it to a whole different level when she emailed me a note with her resume. She took several circuitous routes to get to the end result, which was exactly... nowhere.
The road we traveled to arrive at The Town of Uselessness was ridiculous.

So without further ado- I present to you word for word (nothing paraphrased by yours truly)-
"A Missed Opportunity" by Taylor _______________.

"Dear HR,
I would like to come to a job interview. Like asap. As you can tell from my sparkling curriculum vitae, I am the perfect candidate for this job. I have been in college and am anxious to get started in the working world at your specific company. I should say upfront that I require an income of $4500 a month to start. Unfortunately today and tomorrow are not the best days for me to interview however, perhaps a week from the last week of the month? I've attached my CV to this email ThankYOU for your time."

Well darnit all Taylor that you can't come in today or tomorrow because as your

Curriculum Vitae points out,
"Analysis of Italian Fascism in the Countryside" would have been SUPER USEFUL FOR OUR INSURANCE COMPANY~!!!!
What an incredible missed opportunity for us.

Not.

Oh and PS- "perhaps a week from the last week of the month?" WHO SAYS THAT?!?

Letters of Recommendation

Ooo!
New topic for us here my little chickadees!

Today I'll be covering Letters of Recommendation.

Are they worthwhile?
Usually.

Would I recommend them?
In most cases, sure, why the hell not?

Do we think some people fake or forge them?
Of course!

Does it matter?
Eh. Maybe.
I suppose if we were to actually call the person that is endorsing that particular letter to verify said candidate's stellar performance and then we discovered it was all made up, then we'd have a problem. But usually, this is not the case.

So now that you know I'm generally on Team Letter of Recommendation (NOT Team Objective, but don't get me started on THAT again...), here's two examples of the kinds of letters not to use.

Some girl we'll just call "Erin" was a property manager. She submitted a LoR.

The ENTIRE thing read like this:

"Dear Sirs,
I'd like to tell you what a wonderful property manager Erin ________ is. I've been living here for almost ten years and never have I gotten such a quick response as Erin. I'm an elderly woman, so I need people to help me change my light bulbs occasionally and while I kept requesting this one bulb be changed for a couple of years, once Erin was hired, she had somebody take care of it immediately! And she was kind about it too. So in closing, I'd like to say that I recommend Erin immensely. She'll get the job done!
Sincerely,
Eleanor _____________"

While tempting to insert a "How many property managers does it take to change a lightbulb?" joke here, I'll just pass on that golden opportunity and skip to our next stunning LoR example.

"To Whom It May Concern:
If Ron __________ is applying for a job as a salesman, hire him.
I am a Director of Marketing and Sales Manager at ___________ company. I can tell you that Ron's suggestions on product introduction were important factors to the growth of our facility. We had an unfortunate disaster strike our company and again (and again single-handedly), Ron ground out the sales. He always sold around $600 to $800 per year extra despite the disaster. He did this strictly on his strength with store buyers in face-to-face situations. I think we and our customers are going to suffer badly by the loss of Ron ___________. If I may amplify any portion of this, please feel free to contact me. 
John ___________
Director of Sales and Marketing
________________ Company"


$600-$800 and 1 light bulb changed? Wow and big whoop.
I'm so totally not impressed.
Why can't people see how STUPID it is for them to be submitting these LoR's? It's shocking to me.

So if you're ever in doubt on whether you should use one, yes- but only if it's good.
If you're having any doubts about whether or not it's any good? For criminey sakes, ASK SOMEBODY.

Oh and PS-  to poor little ol' Eleanor's family that wouldn't help her change a damn light bulb in her little ol' apartment- YOU SUCK.

And PPS- Did you all know there's clip art out there of light bulbs that snorkel? Me neither.

But now we all do.

So that means I can officially say we've all been "enlightened".

Hardy har har.

(Sorry...couldn't resist!)

It's Meanie Monday! Installation #3

Welcome!
And happy freakin' Monday after the L-O-N-G holiday weekend...

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

I'm pretty sure this one will blow your eyelashes back a bit, just like it did mine.


I found a guy we'll just call  "Joe" (no that's not his real name) on a job board a few months back that had a slight background in insurance about 10 years ago. Although he had mainly been focusing on business and project management with some pretty impressive companies as of late, it appeared as though he had some excellent skills that would apply to our line of work.
So I tried to call him.
Phone just rang...no voice mail, no answering machine, nothing.
Next I did the only thing I had left to do at that point, I emailed him.

The following day I got his reply back which just left me sitting there stunned.

"Stephanie;
Thank you for the consideration and this opportunity of which you emailed. Under spiritual and morale issues, Insurance is gambling, betting on a flesh-ling being or not being injured. I cannot be a party to this scam. And furthermore, you are acting as if you are addressing an associated FRANCHISE when I am an Inhabitant, not a franchise nor a US CORPORATE 14th Amendment Slave-CITIZEN, here again I choose not to participate in this scam.
Respectfully,
Joe
A Free Inhabitant,
A Free Flesh and Blood Living Soul"

Ummmm say wha?

This was disturbing.

After reading it over several times, it was still disturbing.

I sent a copy of the email to my husband, who also decided that yes, indeed, it was disturbing.

He (fortunately) had the brains to put the Scary Person's closing lines into a Google search and guess what popped up? All this junk from all these weirdos out there that actually think like this. Apparently this is some kind of a movement or something as there's a ton of information about this.

I found one guy's rant online just now, about how he refuses to pay his mortgage based on all these "things" he cites and this is part of the quote he put up online on his blog... for reference, he's talking about some letter he sent to President Obama and his mortgage company:

"I have changed my name but everything else is how I sent it. I also included other legal documents which I have filed with the Secretary of State, to show my status as Sovereign and free, flesh and blood living soul. A transient inhabitant and NOT a "person", which the legal definition INCLUDES a corporate fiction. Yes, your name in all capital letters makes you a corporate fiction and NOT a living human being. You must seperate yourself and explain this to the State and federal "governments".
It is up to each and every one of us to set the record straight, then and only then will ANY change for the good take place. People who join groups or "Tea Parties" or other organizations believing that they are championing anything are being led around by the nose and distracted from the truth and what really matters.
It's all about "money" which is not real anyway. Sad world we live in. Hope more of you wake up to the truth before it's too late."

A guy commented on his blog right after he posted the above excerpt and amazingly, he did not pull it down. Here's the sane man's response that made me laugh:

"Yes, your name in all capital letters makes you a corporate fiction and NOT a living human being.
Signed,
STEVE (nope, still a human)."


You know how people talk about "Portals" for ghosts? I swear, my inbox is a portal for idiots, weirdos, morons and chumps.

Maybe I should have my cat start handling all of this for me.

I think she'd do a fine job.

Because after all, she's just as smart as these asshats.
Probably smarter.

Today I'm veering off track...

Happy day after Turkey Time and/or Black Friday if you're one of those crazies out there that like to trample over people and wait in line for hours to save $2.50. Personally, I can't handle that action as it makes me hyperventilate like this:

But more power to ya if you can get out there and play like that! 

Seeing as how I have the next few days off (which basically means that I get a break from reading stupid junky resumes in my inbox), I wanted to post something completely unrelated to resumes. I'm sure this will bore some of you and if you showed up on my site today to specifically see me bash another great CV, I'm sorry to disappoint, you'll just have to scroll through some of my archives to read up and get your fill. 

Now, onto the topic at hand. 

Crafting!

 (I know some of you just yawned, but stay with me here, you might actually learn something new!)

My sister and I like to craft together. 

Since we are fortunate enough to live together in a very large house, we actually have a CRAFT ROOM. 

Finally.

 After years of us both just dreaming about it, we can say that we actually have one! 

Here are some random shots of the room and what we've previously worked on to give you an idea:

This is one part of the room. 

This is pretty much where I sit, look out over our beautiful back yard and bash the hell out of morons and their resumes. 

Yep, this is where the magic happens baby. 

Right next to my vintage Winnie the Pooh I've had since I was 4.

Here are some items my sister gets to take most of the credit for- although I helped her pick the designs and sayings (and lettered the sayings-big whoop) she is the incredibly talented artist. I can't draw a stick figure to save my life. 

And one of my faves- a Cockapoo puppy painting:

Here's a headboard for our master bedroom that I made with the assistance of my poor hubby that played along like a good sport:

So you get the idea, right?

While we are certainly not professionals, we try to have fun and come up with creative things to make the house more "interesting".

And although my sister and my schedules only seem to sync when there is a rare planetary alignment, we manage to scheme about new projects and work on them in shifts. So we each have our hand in whatever end product we're after and eventually it gets done. Sometimes I work on a project at 5am before work, sometimes she works on a project at 3am after work. But we ultimately have the end goal in mind and know what we're after and it eventually comes together. 

Yesterday was one of those moments when everything finally came together on one project in particular we'd been slugging away at for what felt like months. In between cooking Thanksgiving dinner and prepping for our guests to arrive, we were finally hanging our latest masterpiece in the stairwell of the house.

Backstory: we have a curved staircase, it's rather steep and has this very tall wall shooting straight up to the roof line. It was a large empty space that we didn't quite know what to do with as a "regular" framed picture couldn't go there because of the angle of the wall...it's extremely curvy, matching the staircase. We've lived here for a full year next week and so this wall has been driving my sister and I bat shit crazy being all blank and stuff. It's like it's been taunting us every time we go up and down the staircase saying

 "Neener neener neener! 

You can't figure out how to decorate me!!" 

(Yeah- I know the wall wasn't actually saying that but in our minds? 

It totally was, so be a good blog reader and play along, alright??)

ANYHOO, after hours of snooping around on Pinterest (our favorite idea site that if you haven't had the pleasure of surfing around on you must go NOW to experience (or after you finish reading my blog is acceptable too)...just click here:  http://pinterest.com/

You're required to register on their site to look around but I promise you, it's safe, they don't ever spam you or annoy you in the slightest...) Tracy and I picked a project that looked perfect for our predicament. Although done on a much smaller scale with only real Scrabble tiles in the original picture we saw on Pinterest, we took it a step further and kicked it up a notch in true

 crafty * sisterly * fashion. 

And now, without further ado- I present to you our 

Scrabble Name Art:

Although somewhat deceiving in the picture, it runs 4.5' across and 5.5' down the wall. 

It admittedly took us some time to get all our names to work out in an "eye pleasing format", but we think the end product looks pretty damn good if we don't say so ourselves.

 Here's how we did it: we purchased white canvas blocks that are 4"x4", painted them a nice tan color with brushstrokes resembling wood patterns... printed and cut out type similar to that of the Scrabble font, taped them onto the blocks, hand traced the letters and the numbers, removed the taped on cut outs and then hand painted the letters and the numbers on and voila! 

Project is completed!

Time consuming?

Yes.

Worth it?

Totally.

Picture doesn't do it justice.

You'll just have to come over and see.

Our next project you ask?

We're already on it!

All the different cities we've all lived in, going to be placed on a wall in the house like sign posts pointing here and there- this is the halfway through it pic:

Sideways.

So that you have to crane your head to the right and look like a silly fool trying to read your computer screen. (You're welcome.)

Stay tuned for another non-resume type day where I'll show the finished product.

And it won't be sideways.

I promise. 

Fun with Puns

One of my many (yes, I know- some people think too many) pet peeves graced my inbox yesterday...

The use of the word "costumers" on a resume.

Over and over and OVER again, I see it all freakin' day long. Yesterday I could have put a small tree back together with the amount of paper consumed by resumes that had the word COSTUMERS on it.

Why is this so hard to get straight?

I've mentioned this before but unfortunately it obviously bears repeating...

Sorry to have to break it to everybody, but there are no costumes involved in the everyday life of an insurance person. And unless you have a job as a person that either makes or designs costumes, or you actually help people put their costumes on, you shouldn't be using that word on a resume.

The dumbest offender of the day goes to the server that put this as the description of his last place of employment:

"Served costumers in high end sole food restaurant."

Huh. I'm confused.
Were you trying to tell me that you serve CUSTOMERS in a SOUL food restaurant?

OR

Is this a fish restaurant that requires it's customers to wear costumes?  

PS Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

And on behalf of all the turkeys out there:

Go eat some fish!

Damn Auto Correct

First, the school lesson for the day.
Listen up my little chickadees!

When you're in the insurance industry, you frequently refer to your customer database as your "BoB" (said like the name Bob), which stands for "Book of Business". Every once in a blue moon I'll be fortunate enough to run into candidates that are already licensed with the State of CA Dept of Insurance and have been working in the insurance industry for quite awhile. These candidates tend to be smart enough to know to ask specific questions about the different positions I'm recommending for them and I actually enjoy having a rather intelligent, back and forth banter about our somewhat dull industry.


That being said, one of the most common questions I get asked repeatedly is whether or not we'll be supplying a new person with a book of business. 


One guy wasn't paying too close attention to his email to me, however, as he put this:


"Hi Stephanie, just wanted to know if you guys will be supplying me with a book of bunnies?"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This made me almost laugh myself into an asthma attack.

I really gotta get out more often.

Meanie Mondays Installation #2

Welcome to the 2nd Installation of Meanie Mondays.

Today's chosen jaw dropping candidate comes from a whole new genre...somebody that decided to drag God into his offensive behavior towards me. I've seen some weird stuff but I've never seen THIS particular kind of weird stuff.
So let's get started, shall we?

Backstory:
I found a *slightly decent* candidate on a job board. (I stand to be corrected on my interpretation of *slightly decent* later as time would tell. Silly me.) I emailed him, said I would like to speak with him about a couple of different positions that might interest him given his previous job listings. Those previous job listings (fyi) were in sales and the worker's comp aspect of the insurance world.
Two days went by and then one morning I came into work, opened up my inbox and found THIS as his reply to my email.
Time stamp you ask?
7:39 a.m.

Here we go:
"Attention Asshole:
It takes no talent to annoy my inbox with patented UNSOLICITED job opportunities that you KNOW are highly unlikely to be of ANY interest to me. Spare me your inane rationalizations. You KNOW you're full of shit, you bottom-feeding, no-talent, create-nothing douchebag. Our job site profiles are there for a specifically targeted reason. You've crossed all lines by emailing me.
Being that you're so mind-numbingly stupid, it's highly likely that you also believe in god. You clearly need help on many levels, but I can only help you overcome your religious delusion. Check out my website. You can expect regular updates.
Get a REAL job and then go fuck yourself. And have a great day!
-The Bastard"

And then he put a link to his website.
Which I'm not going to list here even though I bet I could get an entire tribe of people after him to retalitate for putting me through reading that email.

But he actually thinks I'm going to CLICK ON his link? Like I must be so stupid (like he said) that I'd just say to myself "You know what? I think he's right. I need help on many different levels. I have great religious delusion. I AM a bottom-feeding, no-talent, create-nothing douchebag. I really SHOULD click on this fellow's link. HE'S going to be the answer I've been searching for all along."

All I can add to this experience is this: