Monday, December 19, 2011

If only I could train my blog...

Apparently, my blog does a lot of things.

Over the past few months I've been told it:

a) puts a smile on various endearing family, friends and strangers' faces

b) tells random people poking around on the internet what NOT to put on their resume

c) pops up on a list accommodating the search of the strangest specific terms ever such as:
going insane clip art
world problems
crashed car clip art
hotel problems
puns on resumes
can't breathe clip art
funky fish

(Some of those on the list make sense and would automatically link to my blog, but others? WTF? I have no idea how I ended up being on a master list of "hotel problems" and "can't breathe" clip art. The other ones I could POSSIBLY (with a reach) understand.)

d) allows other HR/Recruiter types to vicariously live through me- furiously nodding their heads up and down in agreement while reading my rants, and privately delighting in the fact that FINALLY, somebody in their industry is out there saying the things they've been wanting to say for so very long. 

That being said, my blog is usually written ahead of time and set to "pre-launch" itself.

I do this because
a) I have a full time job and I prefer to actually WORK at my job instead of goofing off writing blog posts (although believe me, it takes EVERY OUNCE of self control to just continue working when I want to stop and rant about what I just read on some idiot's resume...)
b) I'm a mom to a teenage girl. Who for some reason likes to continually point out that I should be doing mom-like things such as making her meals, laundering her clothes, helping her with homework and chauffeuring her and her sweet friends around to various places and buying them various and usually unnecessary things. (I know a lot of you out there just read that and thought: why doesn't she just make her own meals, launder her own clothes, do her own homework and be happy with the things she has? Pfft. Surely you jest. If she made her own meals she'd be on a steady diet of Starburst pink and red candies, fruit juice, Hugs chocolate kisses and dried up crunchy Top Ramen. If she did her own laundry, it'd all be pink and blotchy and essentially matching the Starbursts she's eating- not to mention too small (we tried, it didn't work out well, enough said)... I'm usually too stupid to help her with her homework anyway, so she's better off with me just pretending to help and not giving her the wrong answers...and the other part about being happy with what she already has? Pulll-ease. You must not have teenagers.)

I also do other stuff when I'm not at work or playing mommy.
For example: I am a property manager with my hubby. It's not something we really enjoy, but we do it to add income to the family. (That's been an interesting road and I could probably start a blog merely about how ridiculous tenants can be... but I'll wait and possibly launch that later.)
I also volunteer.
I participate in charity walks.
I give free career and interviewing advice and have fixed MANY many resumes for friends and family and friends of friends and friend's spouses and friend's boyfriends and friend's girlfriends etc. for free.
And now I also guest blog.

When I'm not doing those things, I do these things:

I sail

Despite my physical limitations with my fused spine, I'm learning to love to hike

I'm obsessed with Pinterest

(and as a side note, I feel I must tell you that as a self-proclaimed Pinterest Whore, I just discovered that my blog has been mentioned and pinned on Pinterest several times. To this I say "rock on pinning friends" and "OMGOMGOMG! I'M ON PINTEREST!! WOO-HOO!!" Okay sorry, I'll calm down now...)

I make random crafty stuff with my sister

I take care of our poor little gimpy guinea pig named Abby that my daughter HAD to have and is now afraid she'll break if she handles her (ahem)- oh and the cat. I take care of the cat too (of course). Both pictured here together in the kitchen one morning:

"What mom? I was merely chillin' out here by the pig. I wasn't actually going to HURT her.
 Pffft. You make up these delusional ideas in your head." 

and last but not least, I read like crazy.

I read so much I practically eat books. 
And I read the most random things.

Like on my nightstand right now is:
Game of Thrones,

The Motion of the Ocean,

Bitter is the New Black (2nd time through because I heart Jen Lancaster (whose blog is here: )so much and can always use a good laugh considering what I go through every day)

Shirley Jackson's Short Stories

and 3 different resume and work related books that would put anybody to sleep. (Thus the reason for them to hang out on the nightstand.)

Oh and let's not forget: The Proper Care of Guinea Pigs dp/0793831512/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324276703&sr=1-6 because unfortunately, that guinea pig's not going to take care of herself. Although she does willingly try as she's a good sport.

ANYHOO- my point in rambling on about all this misc crap is this: this blog doesn't write itself.
Because that person that does all that other stuff listed up above?
She also writes this blog.

Usually at nights or on the weekend, but truth be told, most often around 2am in the morning when she has a wild hair and wants to rant about something she read that day. After being sound asleep, she sits bolt upright in bed and immediately beelines it for the craft room, where she sits and writes until it's out of her system. Her poor husband wakes up, realizes she's missing, shakes his head, mutters something about marrying a lunatic, and then just rolls over and starts snoring again. (Although for the record- poor said husband would prefer to point out that he DOES NOT SNORE. At some point in the future poor sleepless wife may have to post a little sound recording she caught of said husband "NOT SNORING"... but that may net her 50 lashes with a wet noodle, so she'll wait on that one.)

Boy am I getting off track on this post. 
It's late though.
And I've had some wine.
So maybe that is the problem? 

What I'm trying to say is THIS:
I'm taking a break for a bit.
Apparently there's these things called holidays that family members would like me to participate in and seeing as how I've got um, oh, about 3-5 days left before the festivities begin and I've only purchased THREE presents, (yes, SO proud of myself) I need to start paying attention or I'm gonna be in some serious trouble as there's gonna be some serious scowling going on in the living room come Christmas morning when there's nothing to open. (Although I could tell them to log on and go read my blog as that's where all my energy's been going... nah. Probably not a good idea.)

I've managed to train my blog to auto-launch itself into the universe... if only I could train my blog to write itself. Wouldn't that be grand? Then I could take a break and you guys could keep snickering over the ridiculous resumes out there in the universe.
Yeah, probably not gonna happen.
Ooo! I know!
I could train Abby to write the blog for me!

She'd probably do just fine with it, seeing as how she likes to partake in white wine, just like I do.
 (Just kidding all you animal loving worry warts out there. I've never given our pig any wine. That's the cat's job.)

I asked Abby what she thought about taking over the blog for me and this is what she had to say about the idea:

"When pigs fly!"

So alas, the pig idea is out and this blog will just have to sit for a little bit. But don't fret my little chickadees, I'll be back after the first of the year to make you laugh once again. 

In the meantime, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and following along! Please feel free to spend some time going through all 51 archives if you are bored and missing me. Most importantly, please know this:

Peace out!
PS There were no guinea pigs harmed in the making of this blog. Just a little tickling and humiliation, but she's totally used to it by now.

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