Friday, March 30, 2012

Oh go ahead...tell me your life story... Part 2

Hello my little chickadees!

Time for "Tell me your life story" part deux.

I was only planning on writing about one specific job seeker today, but guess what? I (we?) all got lucky as I had the pleasure of having a conversation with another random idiot that falls into the same category as the gal I was going to write about. So you guys get a two-fer and I get to blow off some steam ;0)
It's clearly a win-win.

Alright, let's dig in, shall we?

"Aretha" emailed me last week and decided to divulge a little bit too much info... just like lovely Bovine Surrounded Kevin did in my previous posting.

Aretha emailed me and didn't give me a copy of her resume, just her sob story.
Get your hankies and kleenexes ready, ladies and gents; here's what she emailed me:

"I am very interested but I must tell you I was convicted of Driving Under the Influence of Prescription Medication (Ambien), causing an accident. The way the story goes is this: I was prescribed Ambien for a sleep disorder and I had an adverse effect while on it, causing me to sleep drive and cause an accident. I could not afford an attorney, which lead me to receiving the maximum sentence. Thank you for your concideration as I look forward to hearing from you regarding an interview."

Ummm. Okay.
First of all, let me just say, I've read enough blogs and seen enough news documentaries to know that

 that Ambien shit's powerful stuff. 

It can make you do crazy things.

Now do I feel bad for Aretha?
You bet.
Do I believe her story?
I guess, I don't really have a reason not to.

What I don't understand, however, is the fact that she told me all this, instead of sending me her resume. I still have NO idea what her background is and yet, at the end of it, she says she looks forward to my call about an interview? Is she crazy? Or possibly still hopped up on Ambien?

I can't call her. I just can't. I'm not talking from a legal perspective here (although I could go a few different directions with that part of it) but how could I even have a conversation with her? I know too much about her tragic life, before we even have a chance to establish any kind of a professional one. And that's heartbreaking to me, all the way around. Because you know what? If she hadn't led with her Ambien-induced, car crashing, jail tainted foot, I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET HER A JOB.

So dumb.
And sad.
Yet I go back to dumb.
And stay on dumb.

My next brilliant job seeker that told me too much info was a guy named "Ray".

Now Ray I had a serious interest in as he had a stellar resume on that he had just launched up on the job board the night before.

There were only 2 possible glitches on his resume- one is that I had no idea what the hell he'd been doing for the past 3 years as there were no entries since 2009, which is unusual for a man. Women have babies and disappear all the time, but men? Not so much. So this factor both intrigued and disturbed me.

The other possible glitch was that he was licensed with the State of California Dept of Insurance and there were 3 possible "Rays" with the same exact name on the CA DOI (that's short for Dept of Insurance- see, you just learned a little sumpin' sumpin' now didn't ya?). 2 of the Rays were quality guys, but 1 Ray was a naughty naughty Ray. The Naughty Ray had his license revoked and had to pay a large fine... for what I'm not sure, but I didn't have the time to go poking around in the court docs as I wasn't even sure THIS Ray I was going to call was the Naughty Ray.

So I figured oh what the hell, what have I got to lose? I'll just call the guy and get clarification on those two particular things I'm not really happy about and we'll just see what happens.

Well what happened next I wasn't prepared for.

Ray answered on the third ring.
I could hear the traffic whizzing by him in the background so I was sure he was driving.

Me: "Hi Ray, this is Stephanie from _____________ Insurance and I saw your resume on Monster so I wanted to chat with you for a minute, is this an okay time for you?" I said, hoping he'd say no because I could tell he was driving, and even when people are driving with blue tooths, I don't like talking to them about their future career possibilities and scheduling interviews and such as it makes me nervous they're going to crash the car.

Long drawn out pause, no response from Ray... maybe he doesn't hear me? Maybe his cell phone is cutting out?
Finally, he shows a sign of life! He answers me!

Ray: "Whatz wuz your name? Persephone?"


Okay, I can see how this is close sounding to my name, but never, ever in my life have I been called this. Not that it's a bad thing, being referred to as a goddess of harvests or whatever great job that chick had in mythology.

Me: "No, it's STEPHANIE. Are you okay to talk now? Are you driving?"

Ray: "No, noze, I'm okays. (long pregnant pause) I have a blue toof."

Me: "A blue tooth? You have a blue tooth? Well that's good..." I say, immediately realizing I'm talking to somebody that's either got a major speech impediment or is drunk or hopped up on pills. Naturally I immediately think "BLOG MATERIAL!!" (Do you see how I'm always looking out for you people??)

Me: "So what's been going on with your job search lately? How's that been going? It says on your resume that you haven't worked since 2009, is that true? Or have you been doing contract work?"

Long pause again.
Me: "Ray? Are you there? Can you hear me?" ("now?" I'm adding in my head, thank you stupid Verizon commercials.)

Ray: "Yeah, yeahs I'm here. I... I... I don't know how to explain it all."
Long pause YET again.

Well this isn't awkward, not one bit.
I decided to forge ahead.

Me: "Well let's start back at your experience with _____ Insurance company. How did that go?"

Ray: "Pffft. That was a HOT MESS. That's how that went."
Then again... you guessed it... long pause...

Me: "Well it says here you got licensed with the State of California Department of Insurance and I just tried to pull up your record but there are 3 Ray ________'s so I'm not sure who's who."

Ray: "Oh yeah, well I'm the one in Los Angeles. No middle names."

Me: "Well they're all located in Los Angeles, and none of them have middle names. There's one on here that got their licensed revoked, is that you?"

Long pause, I wait patiently to see if he'll bite and tell me the truth or vehemently deny it.
It's GOT to be him, his behavior with me on the phone is erratic, it's GOT to be him. Fingers crossed it's him! (More blog material!)

Ray: "Well... you see... that wasn't me. Well... ummmm. It is me, BUT hearsh what happened..."
I wait.

Ray: "I worked for this agent at ____________ Insurance. And I was supposed to be training under her to become an agent myself. But everytime she..."

Me: "Yes? Everytime she what?"

Ray: "Everytime she wanted something, she'd never let me do it, she'd ask me to do it and then she'd get frustrated and do it hershelf. I never had a chance to prove myself. And then she went postal and turned into a screaming lunatic. That bitch was always screaming!"

Me: "Oh."

I'd never heard anybody on the phone with me refer to one of their previous bosses as a "bitch". This was new. Clearly, Ray was Loose as a Goose, hopped up on somethin'.

Ray: "And then, to top it all off, my fiance was murdered. In that building. And I still don't know what BASTARD did it, but I thinks I do. And he's gonna pay."

Me in my head: OMG I've stepped in it.

Me (outloud): "Wow. I'm sorry to hear that, that's just awful. So does that have to do with why you haven't been working for 3 years? Have you been working through your loss?" This is, after all, still a tragedy, people have to work through this crap. I'll give the guy a break.

Ray: "No, well, sort of. NO! That's not why! The stupid bitch offered to have me come back and work there after my fiance died but then she accused me of some crap I didn't do, she got my license revoked and it doesn't fucking matter because I can't go work in that building anyway. Could you? Could you go work in the building where your fiance was murdered??"

Me: "Ummm, no, probably not."

Ray: "Well there you go! THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING FOR 3 YEARS."

I really need to get off the phone with this guy, and like pronto.
Then I hear him cussing under his breath and the squealing of brakes and he starts screaming at some guy that possibly (?) cut him off.
I sit there stunned, not knowing how to get out of this one. Obviously this guy is drunk, shouldn't be driving. I should probably be calling the cops. At this point, this phone call stretches beyond a friendly chat about past employment situations and possible future ones. People's lives are clearly in danger here.

Me: "Ray, are you on a freeway?"

Ray: "Yeah. NO, I don't know. What does that have to do with the job you're calling me to interview me for?"

Me: "It doesn't, I'm just curious. I didn't mean to rattle you with my questions. Having to divulge all of that stuff is hard to talk about I'm sure. What were you looking to do, career wise?" Not that it even matters at this point. I'm just making petty conversation and trying not to get screamed at.

Ray: "I don't fucking know. Can I just get an interview, then I can talk about it?"

Me: "Well, I'm thinking that the license being revoked is gonna be a problem for my company, so I don't really think I can get you past the gate over here. But I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your search though Ray. You should probably just go home and relax for a bit, take your time looking for jobs online."

Ray: "Take my time? You don't thinks 3 yearsh is enough time??!?"

Me getting panicky: "Well thanks for talking to me Ray, I've got somebody that just walked into my office here, I have to hang up now."

Ray: "Goddammit, drivers are so fucking stupid!"

Me: Click.

It took me a while to regroup after that... I was obviously hoping I could get a location from him so that I could call the Highway Patrol and they could hunt him down.

I'm saddened by the crap that happened to him and don't underestimate what it must be like to go through having your fiance murdered, but seriously people...get your shit together before you market yourself as a qualified job seeker. Man.

Thanks for listening and letting me share my experiences with job seekers this week my peeps!
More funny next week- no more of this sad and tragic crap eh?
Yeah, I agree.
Peace out.


  1. Ok Stephanie, you are hysterical. I am running to check out my resume online to make sure it was not me you were talking about. PHEW! it wasn't. Good heavens girl...I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Although some of it was sad. I had no idea you had this post. I can guarantee I will be returning. Lots of useful information in a very thought provoking format.

    Currently unemployed,
    Lisa Cook

  2. Thank you Lisa for being a reader. So sorry to hear about your unemployed-ness. That stinks! If you have some time, sift through my archives (posted on the right side of the blog in green and gray) and get some more pointers! You can also visit my resume help website at: