Monday, January 16, 2012

Oh crap... it's Monday. You know what that means right? Time for a Meanie!

Today's post comes from a teacher... an "uplifter of children" or so she called herself on her resume description.
Of course it does.

"Ramona" sent me her resume with an email attached saying she's interested in starting a career in a different field as she's been teaching all her life (albeit a short life) and can't seem to get hired in her chosen field of work right now.

Now just for the record- I am completely cool with people trying to break into a different line of work, not only because my company is accomodating enough to offer training from scratch for a decent amount of the insurance-related positions we offer, but because in this economy? It's a total issue. I talk to people every day that have been in the same industry for decades, and now? They're royally screwed. They've been laid off after 20-30 years because their industry is suffering and possibly even becoming extinct. So not only are we willing to entertain the idea of interviewing and spending some of our valuable time with these folks, we are also incredibly accomodating in helping them set up a new career for themselves. Not every company will do that.

Now.
Onto Ramona's resume.

I immediately picked up on several incongruency issues...like the fact that she had 3 different addresses listed and several different full time positions that she was "presently" working, as well as the fact that she was claiming to be going to school at the same time.

In a different country.

If I were to believe what she'd actually listed on her resume, she was currently physically working two full time jobs and going to school full time in: Studio City, CA, Brockton, MA and East Anglia, England.

Like wow.
That's really something, isn't it?

So of course, you know me...I had to be a brat and point it out in a purely inquisitive manner.
Although it probably would have been a *tad bit* fun to call her up and start firing a string of questions at her, I didn't really feel like talking to her on the phone at that point in time as I was personally behind and had a heck of a pile on my desk to wade through. Plus I figured if I emailed her, it would allow her to take a moment to actually pull her resume out and look it over to see that yes, in fact, I was right. She's geographically off her nut. Or it would be an opportunity for her to confess that yes, she's figured out that Parallel Universes do actually exist... and she's been aware of this since 2002, when her multiple places at one point in time circumstances start to come to light on her resume.


So here's what I emailed her word for word:

"Hi Rachel,
Thanks for your email and resume copy. I just read it over and had a couple of questions for you- your resume and your profile on Monster.com indicate that you are currently in Studio City but it also says that you are currently teaching in Brockton, MA, as well as studying abroad in East Anglia. Obviously this is physically impossible, so I'm just wondering where you are currently located and if you are presently working and/or studying. If you could let me know that information, I would greatly appreciate it.
Best regards,
Stephanie __________ "

I moved on to my pile right after I launched that email and kind of forgot all about it. Figuring it would be somewhat entertaining when I did get a reply back from her (if at all), I had no idea what was in store for me. Three hours later, THIS arrived in my inbox:

"Dear Stephanie,
Thank you for reading my resume over and for considering my email. First of all, of COURSE I am not located in 3 different places at once. Give me a break. That's just absolutely ridiculous. Second, why in the world would I be emailing you if I were in either Massachusetts or England of all places?? Do you think I'm that stupid that I would be contacting you if I weren't in fact in California already? I can't believe you even asked me those questions. I don't think I can work with somebody that feels the need to point out such stupid things. Please disregard the fact that I even emailed you in the first place. I'll just continue with my job search with reasonable people.
ramona h."

Ummmmm. Really? (Boy I sure say that a lot, don't I?)



Oh man, where do I begin?
Now you guys know what's coming next right? Of course you do, I've trained all of you well... here's the email I WANTED to send but didn't because of the fact that I don't want to get fired. Or stalked.

"Dear Ramona,
Thanks so much for your response. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to set me straight and point out how dumb it was of me to suggest that you would email me from a different country and/or state. Now that I think about it, I should probably email back the other two people that politely contacted me today from Guatemala and Las Vegas, both wanting Skype interviews. I should tell them how absolutely RIDICULOUS it is of them to even consider contacting me. The nerve of them.
Seeing as how it's fairly obvious that you are too embarrassed to admit you made a mistake both on your resume AND on your profile on Monster.com, I think I will take a moment to point out some OTHER flaws I found. You claimed to have graduated from your English University with "magna cum laude" attachments to your GPA, which you also listed as a 3.44. Hmmm last time I checked magna cum laude typically ranges from 3.65 to 3.79. Perhaps you need to go back to school to learn this little diddy. Oh WAIT. According to your resume you still ARE in school, silly me. I forgot.
Also- you put that you "helped develop curriculumm units". Do I need to highlight this spelling error? You're an English teacher, or so you claim to be. If you somehow got through college without knowing how to actually spell, you should at least have the brains to click "spell check" when working on a document. And furthermore, might I suggest that you actually CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTERS OF YOUR FIRST AND LAST NAMES on all your documentation? Perhaps it's never occurred to you that you aren't getting hired because of your resume. (Or it could really possibly be your shitty attitude, I'm not all that sure in your case.) Not only do you prove to be "geographically challenged", but anyone viewing your resume would naturally question the validity of ALL your claims. Moron.
Best of luck to you finding a place where you can continue to be an "uplifter of children" (uplifter isn't a real word by the way- I feel I must also point this out.) I shudder to think of the poor children in your care.
Best!
Stephanie"

Grumble grumble delete.



4 comments:

  1. It's funny how the intelligent claim they are intelligent when clearly they are morons. Poor ramona...

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  2. "If I tell you that you're stupid then my mistakes don't really count because I'm rubber and you're glue and what you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

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  3. It amazes me that there are people who put so little thought into their application. I am still looking for a job after I graduated with my Masters. I spend a lot of time customizing my resume and cover letter for each job I apply to. When I see these kind of sloppy errors it really irritates me. It is so hard to even make contact with a recruiter or HR person. To completely ruin her connection with you is insane in my opinion.

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  4. @Rebecca- thank you! Finally a voice of reason from the job seeker side. I am glad you are taking the time to customize and think about everything you are doing and submitting to employers...it's truly frustrating to be on "this" side and see what comes back at me, when my daily goal is to get people up and working again. It's sickening quite frankly and I really have very little faith in humanity anymore. Thanks for speaking up and of course for following my blog. Good luck to you with YOUR search- it sounds like you deserve a great position!

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