While I'll be the first to admit that I'm not sure what some people are thinking usually like EVER when they do their resumes, I'm REALLY not sure what people are thinking when they submit their resumes to me during the holiday season.
I fear there's more wine/champagne/wassail/hard core eggnog involved than one should usually be involved with while composing a resume as the stuff that arrives in my inbox seems a little loopier than normal. The resumes get sparser over the intense holiday weeks, but the Loopiness Quotient goes through the roof.
That being said, I'd like to officially welcome you to
The following are actual excerpts I've taken off resumes I received during the last two weeks. A compilation of sorts you could say. Keep in mind I am NOT paraphrasing. These are actually word for word.
So sit back with your coffee/tea/hard liquor/beverage of choice and enjoy!
I couldn't make the cartoon any bigger so for my visually impaired friends that are squinting to read the above cartoon caption, it says this:
"Yeah, you put on a hot cup sleeve and a plastic lid and no one thinks "martini"..."
Okay, here we go!
"I would love for the opportunity to be a part of a Grate organization."
"I am limiting my serach for a position."
"CSUN Student- California Stat University Northridge"
"I wanna more about title."
"Dear Human Recourses Dept"
"I want to start a great carrer."
"Referances upon someone requesting"
"I work for some associats. I can't remember there names."
"High, i am interested intersted intrested in sales i would like to know necesary requirments"
"I streched canvases"
"How is the payment?"
"Here is attache of my curriculae file."
"I excel at deeping existing relationships."
And then last but not least, my personal favorite as of late:
"Hi am really in a position to work with you.
My objective is: full time.
My qualification: word, exccell, power poind.
Relevant experience: I used to work in a store. I have customer services experienced."
(That was the ENTIRE RESUME)
What a great way to ring in the new year, eh?
All I have to say to these poor souls is this: